Always A Mess

The Joy of Stats

2012-01-18T00:34:00.000-05:00

I am currently taking one of the courses that I've been dreading most: Statistics.

I'm terrible at math, so terrible that in grade 10 I had to repeat applied math as I didn't pass the first time. Now I've hyped it up so much that when I even go into the classroom I feel nervous and a little sick.

This video made it seem not (as) terrifying.

A Virtually Quiet Space

2012-01-16T19:27:00.000-05:00

I have a lot of problems focusing and I am usually anxious about something. I recently learned of something called The Quiet Place Project. I can't promise you that going here will immediately fix all of your problems, but it's really relaxing and only takes approximately the same time as watching a music video on YouTube. If you just need a moment to clear your head it's a really simple way to do so.

Cosmetics of the Future

2012-01-14T18:06:00.000-05:00

Here's a video put together by Jesse Rosten called Fotoshop by Adobé.

Fotoshop by Adobé from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

Just a Little Something

2011-12-07T02:26:00.000-05:00

[Nick and I looking at neat travel pictures]

Me: That would be a cool wedding destination.

Nick: Where the hell did that come from?

Me: I'm not sure where my mind is these days.

My Summer, in a Nutshell 2011

2011-09-08T17:28:00.000-04:00

I have so far....

-attempted to purge many of my 'treasures', but kept most of them
-gained a fair bit of weight
-worked on some freelance graphic design (some good, some bad)
-helped Ben's mom stain a few planks of wood
-became horribly addicted to caffeine
-had to rub $100 butt cream on my cat as he ripped his open somehow (what happens in cat world, stays in cat world)
-tried sailing (and failed)
-tried water skiing (and succeeded)
-finished another course at Carleton (Industrial and Organizational Psychology)
-learned latte art (poorly), I can make a tulips and once I made a duck, but usually I just put dicks in people's drinks
-went fishing
-played fetch with the fish, though I did have to slap them around a bit
-learned more Photoshop CS5 tricks
-caught a frog
-learned Tod can get out of his cone and eat his $100 butt cream
-tried to give up caffeine (and failed)
-became known at work as the girl who talks about poo
-worried about taking stats
-avoided taking stats
-swam across a lake (poorly)
-lost the fair bit of weight, probably in the lake

Have Phone, Can Talk

2011-03-11T15:25:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, I finally have a phone now after months of not being reachable. I think it's already made me a little more productive. The past two days I went to work, went to the gym and went to class. Then tried to study a bit (~~mostly~~ only because Chris told me that was a good idea).

However I lost all the numbers that were in my old phone as it won't even turn on so send me your contact info if I don't have it already!

Anyway, thanks to Bla who gave me her old phone!

Sexie_Sheep69 Wants To Add You As A Friend

2011-02-19T00:34:00.002-05:00

Everyone who has been on the internet since its beginning knows the perils of people trying to sell you something, usually themselves. And often times they get robots to do the work for them.

Nick talking about skype cyber chat robots:

COURTING PROCESS INITIATED "Greetings potentially child-bearing human. I wish to engage in the carbon-based reproductive process with you." COURTING PROCESS TERMINATED, PROCEEDING TO INSEMINATION

ERROR: FILE TRANSFER CANCELLED- PREMATURE DISCONNECTION

INTOXICATION PROGRAM TERMINATED- NEW STATUS: SOBER

RESPONSE: FLEE SCENE OF INSEMINATION

OVERWRITING PREVIOUS ATTRACTIVENESS ASSESSMENT

Flash Mob At Carleton

2011-02-18T00:27:00.001-05:00

Here's the flash mob that happened at Carleton incase you haven't seen it already. I was a little sad that I had to work while it was taking place, but after this I'm proud to call myself a Carleton Raven! (Better than an Ottawa U Gee-Gee!)

Finally, Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T00:34:00.000-05:00

So, of course today is the day that couples everywhere are expected to show their significant others that they care about them. But if you don't have one you can always let your friends and family know you love them too.

Get It All Out Now

2011-02-13T00:34:00.001-05:00

So, in a decision to get out all the negative thoughts towards Valentine's Day I'm posting these so that I feel like I've represented both those who love and those who hate the holiday. Here you are Debbie Downers!

On the back: This is not my beautiful wife

The first four pictures are from PostSecret and the last is from xkcd.

Pink and Red; It's Everywhere!

2011-02-12T01:26:00.000-05:00

Valentines Day is often a time for anti-social single internet people and their ever out in public emo sisters and brothers to gripe about what a commercial holiday it is, that it's stupid to celebrate and that they will not take part in the festivities. This post is for you, people who I have just stereotyped!

It's mostly true you know. They just put all that sugar, spice and everything nice on top to mask it.

Erin Fun Fact: I love the character Deadpool, and he's Canadian!

More Deadpool, click for full size!

Drama Free? He seems like he might be one of those role-playing types....

More Quotes

2011-02-06T08:36:00.002-05:00

Whilst looking through my quotes section to remember that, no, life is not the terrible place we may make it out to be sometimes (even when you can't sleep at 7am) I remembered that I haven't updated them in a good long while and have quite a few to add.

Here they are:

Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.

- Aldous Huxley

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Once during prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

- W.C. Fields

Insanity doesn't run in my family. It gallops.

- Cary Grant

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

- Ben Franklin

Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction.

- Ashleigh Brilliant

All mothers have intuition. The great ones have radar.

- Cathy Guisewite

We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.

- Walk Kelly

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

- Carl Sagan

Cooks do meals for those they know and love. Chefs do it anonymously for anyone who has the price.

- A.A. Gill

When I'm old and grey, I want to have a house by the sea. And paint. With a lot of wonderful chums, good music and booze around. And a damn good kitchen to cook in.

- Ava Gardner

If more of us valued food and good cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

- J.R.R. Tolkien

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

- Dean Martin

What happens when the future has come and gone?

- Robert Half

Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.

- Ernie Kovacs

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

- Douglas Adams

A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.

- Anonymous

A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.

- Gian Vincenzo Gravina

No opera plot can be sensible, for people do not sing when they are feeling sensible.

- W. H. Auden

In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.

- John Russell

Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some.

- Jose Marti

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

- Thomas A. Edison

There's no point being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.

- Doctor Who

I am no more humble than my talents require.

- Oscar Levant

Human Mating Strategies

2011-02-03T00:34:00.009-05:00

For one of my classes I had to read an interesting article called Human Mating Strategies by Professor David M. Buss who works in the department of psychology at the University of Texas in Austin.

Some of the more interesting highlights are....

- men are on average 12% taller than women
- men show off their assets whereas women show off themselves to either gain or keep a mate
- the better the person the more choosey they can be with a mate (I'm not shallow, it's science!)
- women, significantly more than men, want good financial prospects in a mate
- men, significantly more than women, want good physical attractiveness
- men generally want a younger woman, on average across all cultures of three years younger for their first marriage, five for the second and eight for the third
- the term for stealing someone who is already taken is "mate poaching"(I found the whole part on mate poaching hilarious to read despite its seriousness)

Don't forget to feed the fish!

Swiss Chalet, How You Disgust Me

2011-02-01T00:39:00.000-05:00

Today Jasmine, Vic and I went to Swiss Chalet (the one in South Keys on Bank) as they had a coupon for buy one get one free that ended today for a quarter chicken meal. This was the third time I had gone to Swiss Chalet in my life, I tend to avoid it as I always have a terrible time there.

First off, we had two incompetent hostesses. And please, before thinking I'm being too harsh, remind yourselves that I work in the service industry and if I routinely f***ed up as much as these girls did on their job I would have been fired by now. In fact, I would probably be so ashamed to ever come back to work that I would have quit.

Secondly, our waiter was terrible. He didn't offer me a tea refill, Vic constantly had to ask for him to serve her, and her glass was almost always empty. He was generally rude and unpleasant when at our table. Vic asked him for cooked through fries (hers were raw on the inside) he just popped her whole plate into the microwave. He didn't give me the portion of my receipt that I needed to fill out an online review. We didn't tip him.

Thirdly, the food was terrible. I have no faith that the kitchens were kept in a clean manner. Jasmine and Vic were missing coleslaw (though I thought this was a plus, as personally I think it's a putrid food substance that gives you gas for no good reason). My soup was alright, though while eating my meal I found myself thinking, "Well at least it's food" at the best of times. As previously mentioned Vic's fries weren't cooked all the way through, which was funny as she was only really excited about them. My chicken caesar salad had a blob of dressing and some cheese on the bottom of my bowl. Topped with some lettuce and then a sliced-but-still-firmly-one-piece chicken breast on the side of the bowl that had a dollop of bbq sauce on top.

This made me consider never going to Switzerland, but I think that's too harsh. However, I am never going back to Swiss Chalet again.

Also, my tummy hurts.

Love The Video, Love The Music

2011-01-29T14:43:00.000-05:00

Thought of You from Ryan J Woodward on Vimeo

The song is "The World Spins Madly On" by The Weepies from their album Say I Am You. I like the rest of the album but this was by far my favorite song. Probably because of this video.

Oh Dearie

2011-01-17T06:48:00.000-05:00

Again, another break. I wish I could say I have endless stories to write from the time we've been apart, however that's not really the case. To catch you up, here were the major events:

Tod - He was in and (thankfully) out of the pet hospital - It's been almost a month he's kicked the garland habit and you can still see where they shaved him for the i.v. Poor little kitty.

Chris - She was here for a visit, but with lots of people to see and not a lot of time it was too short.

Christmas - Got some time off work and was able to go to Bewdley, Cobourg, Bancroft and Belleville to see family. The stop in Cobourg was to see some old friends from high school, we have an annual potluck dinner and take a "family photo".

Train - Got to ride part of the way with Grandpa Rex as he took the train out to the East coast, as he doesn't like planes for all the strip searches.

Belleville - I had to wait over an hour for a cab to get to mom's house next to some gap-toothed mouth-breather.

Work/School - Work is slowing down from the holiday rush, but school is picking up and I somehow managed to be behind already. Good job, Erin! Though I really like one of my classes which I suppose is a plus.

Movies - Ben, myself and some of his roommates watched a weird movie called, "Into The Void". It was one of those really artsy movies, it seemed to be about three hours long, when it was only about one hour and twenty minutes. Most of the movie was flashing lights and general weirdness. A little too hippy for my tastes.

Kitties - The cats fight all the time and Ben has coined it "Cat Drama".

Anyway, that about catches you all up. Hooray! (Again, sorry, much love.)

Visiting Family

2010-11-29T10:39:00.003-05:00

Ben and I are currently at his home in Bracebridge, he needed to go back for a orthodontic appointment and I figured I'd tag along and keep him company. When we leave we're going to travel through Bancroft to visit my aunt and uncle briefly before heading back to Ottawa. The snow looks so much fresher when it's untouched on the trees and in someone's yard! It's really starting to get me in the mood for Christmas.

Coming out this way just reminds me of all the little towns with strange names, I suppose I've been in the city for too long as what once seemed normal now looks odd to me. We were passing through Renfrew and I was a little surprised at all the 80's style haircuts. Also, I might add that I was the only visible minority in the Tim Horton's / Wendy's that we stopped for a quick lunch at. Still, all the people are very nice and it's a good change to get out of the city!

We Put Up The Tree

2010-11-24T15:25:00.000-05:00

We've also started putting up other decorations too. I put a hat on my picture of Marilyn Monroe that sits above the fireplace, a bright blue nutcracker that mom gave me on the mantle, a snowman tea light on the table and I'm just about to go downstairs to put garland on the pillars on the main floor. Victoria is also very nestie so I got a bunch of foam trees and gingerbread men to decorate in our down time.

FACU Pistol Event

2010-11-09T21:22:00.000-05:00

So last Saturday I shot my first hand gun ever! So exciting! We started with .22 and then ended the day with .44 rounds.

Shooting the .44 Magnum had a lot less kick then I expected from it, and unfortunately all the photos I have form it are before I shot it when I was slightly afraid it was going to blow my hand off. My form was really bad with that gun but when shooting with the .22 I kept all my shots in a fairly tight cluster so I did pretty well despite shooting slightly to the left.

Anyway, if you're in the Ottawa area and a Carleton student (I know it's a slim chance) then go to the FACU (Firearms Association of Carleton University) facebook page to get involved!

Halloween, Little Bit Late

2010-11-03T14:33:00.000-04:00

So, this Halloween has probably been the least hyped up in my entire life, which is somewhat disappointing as it is my favorite holiday. I worked for most of it and that pretty much killed any party plans I had though Ben and I did dress up. (I made him go as Peter Pan - we couldn't find any tights for him - and I went as his shadow.) We were some of the only people dressed up in The Georgetown (a pub I like to frequent) and so we got some free Guinness stuff and a cup full of candy.

I later watched 'The Halloween Tree', my favorite childhood Halloween movie.

And here's some awesome light work someone did on their house.

Not Bad So Far

2010-10-21T01:22:00.000-04:00

I have now been 22 for a little over 24 hours.

21 was my best year by far, lets see how 22 stacks up.

On the bright side, I now get big-kid (thanks Chris for the term) gifts.

Benjamin built me a bench!

How To Train Your Dragon Comes To DVD!

2010-10-16T21:59:00.001-04:00

'How To Train You Dragon', an awesome movie about a boy whose village hates dragons and wants to kill them all befriends the most feared dragon, finally came out on DVD yesterday. Benjamin got it for me!

He had previously drawn me up this little sketch of Toothless the dragon to tide me over.

I watched the movie immediately, still so good!

Bathroom Wall Graffiti

2010-10-15T00:47:00.000-04:00

Here's some of the graffiti from the bathroom walls in the Chapters next to where I work.

Don't forget to feed the fish!

More Quotes Added!

2010-10-04T12:34:00.007-04:00

For those of you who scrutinize my blog through a microscope (none of you; hence this post) I've added a few quotes to the bottom of the page, they include:

Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.

- Hermann Hesse

Nature is trying very hard to make us succeed, but nature does not depend on us. We are not the only experiment.

- R. Bruckminster Fuller

A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world.

- Edmond de Goncourt

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but "That's funny ...'

- Isaac Asimov

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.

- Bill Cosby

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.

- Charles Wadsworth

Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down.

- Hector Berlioz

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

- Albert Camus

Write your sad times in sand.

Write your good times in stone.

- George Bernard Shaw

Easy on those cookies, okay? Remember, they're just food, they're not love.

- Roger from Friends, Episode: The One With The Boobies, written by Alexa Junge

A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything.

- Samuel Johnson

It is only the great men who are truely obscene. If they had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.

- Havelock Ellis

I like life. It's something to do.

- Ronnie Shakes

Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting.

- Peter Pan

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.

- Friedrich Nietzsche

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. -

- Sidney J. Harris

Don't forget to feed the fish!

Coconut Records - West Coast

2010-10-03T02:01:00.001-04:00

If you haven't heard this song, you should really check it out. I wouldn't say that the video is creative genius, but the song is really nice. I've put it in both my "Music For Chillin'" and "Songs To Cheer You Up" playlists. Ben showed me this song and I've since added their whole CD to my collection, most of which are worth a listen. Check it out!

I often find myself whistling this tune.

Handy Tip: How To Get A Wine Cork Out Of A Bottle

2010-09-30T00:47:00.001-04:00

This trick is probably the most inventive of the three videos in the emails Mom sent me. The thing is, I don't think I have the strength to get a cork into a bottle to test it.

Long-Gun Registry, Still Up And Running....

2010-09-29T17:20:00.001-04:00

Still up and running at the cost of millions and millions of tax-payer dollars annually. On the day of the vote members of the Firearms Association of Carleton University and other supporters to scrap the long-gun registry (myself included) to rally to support Bill C-391.

At one point, which was unfortunately not shown in the news, Justin Trudeau said, "We make the laws, we can change them." Even I thought that was a bad idea what with all the cameras around.

Army Run Times: 2010

2010-09-26T00:28:00.000-04:00

So the Army Run times are in!

I ended up finishing at a shameful 38:05.9.... I'm continuing to blame my shin splints.
Jasmine finished at 25:23.1! That's pretty good for not training at all. Good job Jasmine!

Handy Tip: How To Peel An Egg

2010-09-25T00:34:00.001-04:00

This is another video from one of Mom's emails. I haven't tried this yet, but I'm gonna try to master it.

Handy Tip: How To Close A Bag Without A Seal Clip

2010-09-23T00:34:00.003-04:00

Mom frequently sends me forwards and oftentimes she's sent it to me before or it's a picture of a flower or a rainbow that just wants to spread around the love, but some of them have interesting things in them; like this one.

There Was Puke At The Finish Line

2010-09-20T01:20:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was the Army Run 2010 and I ran (jogged/walked/hobbled) in the 5k with Jazzy. She did really well for not training at all and finished in 26 minutes. I, however did much, much worse than last year at just under 45. When I know exact times and get photos I'll post them. However I'm so proud of the turn out this year and the weather was great!

Aaaaaannnd We're Back!

2010-09-18T00:26:00.001-04:00

So... as some of my readers who frequent this blog more frequently than two months at a time may have noticed, I took a little break from posting to do a few very important life things. They included:

Moving out of Il Foro Della Merda
Work a lot... A LOT.
Settling into New House (Name Pending, so far I'm thinking "Elite Suite" but I have to run it by everyone)
Take an internet break, go into the forest and meet the boy's family (This is actually true)
Sort out this university stuff

Because I was doing all these things I didn't have much spare time for blogging and frankly, I was using coffee shop internet and stealing it from the neighbours who had unsecured wireless.

Anyway, after a while I began to feel bad about not posting and somehow thought ignoring the situation would make it better. But then I missed it. I went around in my daily life thinking, "If only I could tell the internet this." So I've just put on my man-pants and am at it again. I'm not going to promise you it'll be better than it ever was, but I can tell you it'll be the same.

Sorry for the break people. Sorry if it broke your hearts.

Hi, My Name Is Erin And I'm An Addict - Part Deux

2010-06-30T01:16:00.000-04:00

I mentioned an addiction I have before, but this one has been going on for much longer. I'm addicted to the candy PEZ. Jenn B, while preparing to move out of Die Höhle she found a whole pack of refills for PEZ. She gave them to me for helping her move (as if I was help - haha). I ate most of them in the same day, all except for one pack that I'm trying really hard not to eat because I'm saving them for when Ben gets here. This is quite the feat as I pretty much have no self-control.

It might as well be the same thing.

Anyway, in an effort to calm my craving for this most delicious candy I started to search online for places that sell it in Canada (besides Sugar Mountain, I went there and they only had the sour ones left). During my online search Yahoo Answers provided this gem:

Thanks again Yahoo, for being completely useless.

So now I'm sitting at my laptop trying desperately not to eat the PEZ I've hidden out of view because I know I'll eat them if I can see them. I've actually taken them out of the box in my drawer they're in and put them back multiple times. I suppose that reflects both negatively and positively on my self control.

Look at this PEZ wench, just taunting me with those sweet, sugary tablets. But, I mean, I could go off them whenever I wanted. It's just that I don't want to right now.

Beyond Infinity

2010-06-28T04:13:00.000-04:00

The other day Nick was over and he told me that I just HAD to watch this video. Now this isn't really a rare occurrence so I figured it wasn't anything to write home about. But in fact it was something to write the internet populous about. These videos are pretty old and you may have seen them before but just incase you haven't here they are for you to watch and possibly get your mind-hole blown like I did. I know they're a little long, but they're totally worth it.

Makes you think.

It's Father's Day Again

2010-06-20T00:34:00.003-04:00

If you haven't by now, and plan on it, you might want to wish your father a Happy Father's Day today. Here are just a couple things I've found that suit the day.

All images were taken from One Sentence.

Geek Girls Unite! Boys Too, I Guess.

2010-06-16T00:15:00.001-04:00

Okay, so this usually isn't my kind of thing, but I figure since I, like most people, love to talk about myself (especially seeing as how this blog revolves pretty much around me) I'd post up this award Chris gave me a little bit ago. Of course at least half of the geeky people I know are men so I'm altering it a little (sorry girls!). So I'm supposed to list 10 geeky things about myself (oh God- I don't want to admit to them, but if Chris can I suppose I can too) and then award this to a bunch of other bloggers. However, not a lot of my friends blog (besides the ones that Chris already gave awards to) so I'm just going to list some of them and why they are geeky.

But first, and most importantly, let's talk about me. I'll get what Chris already outed out of the way.

1) I play Neopets. Kind of religiously.

2) I may or may not have a collection of anime and a little bit of J-Pop. This geeky trait may have led me to go to Japan in 2005. Also there was a J-Pop issue. We're just not going to talk about it.

3) I like to read. I'm in university and I still read for fun. I actually used to be an English major until I realized I didn't want to teach.

4) I like music. Of all kinds. And when I say all I pretty well mean all. I went through a bluegrass phase, as well as classical and Irish folk phase. I can play the piano, clarinet, and I took voice for quite a while. I make a playlist for everything in my life and even have a musical tattoo.

5) I collect nursery rhymes. My favorite is The Sugar Plum Tree by Eugene Field, which I have memorized for emergencies.

6) I like collecting facts (apparently like most of my friends) about random topics, especially psychology - which is my minor. I also peruse the pages of Psychology Today from time to time.

7) I'm a little bit political, I may or may not have on occasion referred to my hometown by its riding (Northumberland Quinte West). That being said, a lot of the people I know do it too so at least I'm not alone.

8) I play video games, especially RPG ones.

9) I didn't do sports in high school, instead I took archery.
10) I break out in hives when I get nervous. Yeah, totally awesome. It's like having the lamest superpower ever. "My nervous senses are itching!"

Despite all of that geekyness I'm still able to function in general society, probably because I keep most of the geeky stuff to myself.

Anyway, here are some other people who are geeks but still function despite their affliction.

Nick Young: Political Nerd. Big time. He's also a history nerd.
Christine Sweeton: The Settlers playing really does her in. Also she plays Neopets and likes to learn more than the average person.
Grant Dingwall: Politics is his life. Period.
Jessica Morrison (J-Mo): She was a science major and she plays video games a lot.
Ben King: He's in Information Technology for Christ's sake.

I don't expect you guys to blog about it (mostly because none of you do except for Chris who sent it to me), just acknowledge that you are in fact, just like the best of us.

Kate's Dinner Party

2010-06-15T23:19:00.000-04:00

Kate had a really fancy dinner in her apartment tonight and made her own name place holders, complete with a little poem on all of our plates. They were all limericks and about each one of us individually. Mine is below:

There once was a girl named Erin
Who would act like her own evil twin
She'd curse like a trucker
And call you a fucker
As she drank up her tonic and gin

Anyway, it was overall an excellent night with great friends and delicious food!

Well, They Gotta Do Somethin'!

2010-06-03T12:52:00.002-04:00

Last Sunday, after Kendra and I played a game of tennis (and by that I mean we smacked the ball around a few times and it looked like we knew what we were doing) we decided to get a refreshing beverage from Starbucks (or *$'s as Chris calls it in emails). We were walking up to the closest one to my Carleton and on our way a man who was probably in his late 70's approached her as she was carrying both of our tennis racquets.
Man: Now, you know if we get into a fight you should lend one of those to me! It's only fair!

We of course laughed and then the man asked us if we wanted to hear a joke.
Man: A Nova Scotian asks his friend if he's going to a Newfie party. The Nova Scotian friend says he can't because he's got a bad case of diarrhea, to which his friend responds, "Bring it! Those Newfies'll drink anything!"

Apparently this man was reading a book about Nova Scotian and Newfie jokes and liked to test them out on passers-by. That kind of thing is what I miss about living in a small town, but I suppose that's why Ottawa is a big city with a small town feel.

Here's an email forward Mom sent me:

My Trip To Costco

Yesterday I was at my local Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Toby and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again... I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV’s in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore....

Move Along Now, Nothing To See Here

2010-05-26T04:13:00.001-04:00

Jasmine and I were walking home after a night in South Keys when we were talking about how, generally speaking, men can't be trusted. We both became slightly stressed out by our topic of conversation and while crossing the street (Bronson, more than four lanes of traffic) she told me how her father, an educated navigator in the Air Force, had told her that sitting in the middle of the road was a perfect place to relax.

Of course.

Immediately after saying one of the craziest things I've ever heard while j-walking (which I'm afraid of, by the way) Jazzy sits down on the median and tries to meditate. I decide against all of my better judgement to follow suit. After a few moments of SUVs whizzing by a few inches from my head and pants-wetting terror a car pulls up to us. Two hefty 30-something men leer out at us and ask if we were alright (which was nice) and if we wanted to get in their car and smoke weed with them (which was not-so-nice). I politely declined their offer and Jas went back to talking and I resumed keeping my pants clean and dry.

Then another car pull up, but this time it has a police officer inside it. Apparently someone called the police because they thought there were two drunk girls in the middle of the road. He took our ID and ran it through what I assume was his "bad guy catching device". A lady cop pulled up around now and gave us the ol' up-down. Apparently two tiny 5'4" (okay, 5'3") girls aren't much of a threat so him and the lady cop basically told us we were idiots for sitting between traffic and chatting and to go home. And so we did.

No, they don't all look like this.

The moral I'm taking from this story? No matter how educated a man might be, he is still a man and therefore cannot be trusted to make good decisions. As Nick Young would say, "We're all monkeys".

Secret Mystery Island Treasure

2010-05-19T00:34:00.001-04:00

So, another Neopets post.

Apparently this is a thing. I'll take what I can get.

Relationship Problems Playlist

2010-05-13T13:47:00.001-04:00

My "Relationship Problems" playlist is probably the most used, besides my "Getting Ready For Clubbing/Bar Music". It has 55 songs that would take 3 hours, 29 minutes and 51 seconds to cycle through from beginning to end. It has a combination of songs that are anti-relationship, let you wallow in (single) self-pity, and songs that empower you to move on. There's a few that discuss the inner crazy that resides in every woman. As a not-as-wise-as-he-likes-to-think ex-boyfriend once said: Bitches be crazy. And as I like to point out to my lovable roomies and myself on occassion, "Uh-oh. Your crazy is showing."

Anyway, here's the list with links on a few:

Chasing Pavement - Adele
Don't Be Afraid, You're Already Dead - Akron / Family
I'm A Bitch - Alanis Morissette
A Woman's Worth - Alicia Keys
Gives You Hell - The All American Rejects
Rain - Anjulie
Enid - The Barenaked Ladies
Brick - Ben Folds Five
Tango Shoes - Bif Naked
I Love Myself Today - Bif Naked
Tiny Spark - Brendan Benson
Stronger - Britney Spears
I Will Survive - Cake {This song really helped me through a breakup, I listened to it on repeat sometimes}
I Get Knocked Down - Chumbawumba
Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows Feat. Vanessa Carlton
Red Rubber Ball - Cyrkle {This helped me realize I'm awesome and the problem wasn't me}
Chainsaw (feat. Skinnyman) (Tru Menace Remix) - Daniel Merriweather
You Can't Hurry Love - Diana Ross & the Supremes
He's A Tramp - Disney (Lady And The Tramp) {You don't know why you love him, but for some reason you do}
Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie Chicks
Give Him Up - Faber Drive
Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie
Nothin' Good About Goodbye - Hinder
Bandages - Hot Hot Heat
99 Problems - Jay-Z {"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"}
Battlefield - Jordin Sparks
Foundations - Kate Nash {This song helps me let go of a failed relationship}
Pumpkin Soup - Kate Nash
Nicest Thing - Kate Nash {I've listened to this song over 140 times}
Merry Happy - Kate Nash {This song was great for feeling independent}
Do-Wah-Doo - Kate Nash
I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You - Kate Nash
Bulletproof - La Roux {This is also on my "Getting Ready For Clubbing/Bar Music" playlist}
Need You Now - Lady Antebellum
Smile - Lily Allen
Littlest Things - Lily Allen
Not Fair - Lily Allen
The World Should Revolve Around Me - Little Jackie
Another Suitcase In Another Hall (Evita) - Madonna & Antonio Bandaras
Rest Stop - Matchbox Twenty
Bright Lights - Matchbox Twenty
Only Love Can Break Your Heart - Neil Young
Please Don't Leave Me - Pink
Dollhouse - Priscilla Renea
Unfaithful - Rihanna {It's about how she's unfaithful, not him}
Take A Bow - Rihanna
Breakin' Up - Rilo Kiley {There's a sweet dance I need to learn in the video for the next breakup I have}
In The Sun - She And Him
My Favorite Mistake - Sheryl Crow
Shop Around - Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
Settlin' - Sugarland
You Keep Me Hangin' On - The Supremes
I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace
It'll All Work Out - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Rinse - Vanessa Carlton

As per usual, if you have any great songs that you think I should add to this list let me know in the comments.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

2010-05-05T06:34:00.002-04:00

Monday, May 3rd marked the beginning of mental health awareness week. I'm usually more aware of this because of government jobs and am usually bombarded by emails and available workshops to take part in on government time. However this Monday I spent most of my day sleeping as I was working and playing a little too hard the past few days as we said goodbye (at least for the summer) to a member (Ben) of the boy house that J-Mo, Jas and I claimed earlier this spring.

I do, however feel that since I have had issues dealing with bouts of depression and I know so many others who have along with other illnesses, that I should include a post about it.

There's only so much you can do to help a friend, but there's plenty you can do to help yourself. I myself am hugely impacted by the music playing around me so I make a playlist for everything.

Here are some songs from my extensive "Songs To Cheer You Up" playlist:

Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
Swinging On A Star - Bing Crosby
Colors - Donovan
Almost There - The Princess And The Frog
Blueberry Hill - Fats Domino
Stand Up - Right Said Fred
Sailor Moon Theme Song - Sailor Moon
Here Comes The Sun - The Beatles
Everyday People - Sly & The Family Stone
When You Dream - The Barenaked Ladies
No Rain - Blind Melon
One Two Three Four - Fiest
Frou Frou - Let Go
Fitz And The Dizzyspells - Andrew Bird
I And Love And You - The Avett Brothers
The Office Theme Song - The Office
The Bare Necessities - The Jungle Book
(Do You Want To Date My) Avatar - The Guild
With A Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles
Plastic Stars - Freezepop
Man Of Plenty - Aengus Finnan
Always - Eurasure
If I Had A Million Dollars - The Barenaked Ladies
Hakuna Matata - The Lion King
Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson
Hey Beautiful - The Solids
Yellow Submarine - The Beatles

I'm always looking for new songs to add to my playlists so if you have suggestions then let me know in the comments! Stay tuned for my "Relationship Problems" playlist. And maybe the rest of them, I like posting them up.

If you're in the Ottawa area and feel like you need to talk to someone then you can call The Mobile Crisis Team - 613-241-3925 or The Distress Centre Of Ottawa - 613-238-3311.

Looking For A New Nest

2010-05-04T00:39:00.000-04:00

So J-Mo, Jas and I are looking for a new place to call home. I've spent a fair amount of my waking day looking for a house and putting up an ad. So far we've had limited luck, only a few replies. We've got an ad on Kijiji, I'm waiting to put up an ad on Craigslist because I find it sketchy. There's also a lot of free furniture available on Kijiji, but unfortunately I don't have a way of picking it up so we're probably going dumpster diving tonight because it's garbage day tomorrow. Also, we have to steal more toilet paper from Carleton. Ah, student life.

This Is Similar To How I Feel On A Wednesday

2010-04-28T00:34:00.007-04:00

Found At Texts From Last Night

This is Why I Can't Watch War Movies

2010-04-23T00:34:00.001-04:00

Found These At PostSecret

This Is Probably Where Spider Pig Originated

2010-04-22T03:19:00.001-04:00

While J-Mo, Jas and I were on a trip to Walmart the other day looking for discounted Easter candy, this is what we found.

I Want A Dragon. Really Badly.

2010-04-14T05:44:00.002-04:00

J-Mo and I went to see How To Train Your Dragon today (technically yesterday) in 3D. I recommend this movie to all ages. I loved it! It was funny in that way where the kids will laugh at all the potty humour (this includes J-Mo and I of course) and the adults that go will understand those more mature jokes. Who hasn't re-watched their favorite childhood movies only to find that there is a whole other layer of penis jokes they never understood before?

How To Train Your Dragon had enough suspense in it that at times I was actually very worried for the characters. My only complaint was that the 3D wasn't as good as some other movies (Avatar) though those movies relied on their ability to captivate an audience visually.

The movie had some nice lessons in it such as don't run around killing everything without researching it first and teamwork. If you substitute the big dragon with communism and the vikings with a revolt then it also has a political message, but that might be a far cry. (No word of a lie, those thoughts went through my head as I watched the movie, but that might be because I hang out with political kids most of the time.)

Anyway, if you're unsure about the movie or you want to watch this to get a taste of the movie again like I did, watch the trailer.

If Only This Happened On My Other Account

2010-04-13T19:56:00.001-04:00

Okay, this isn't going to be a regular thing, but this is another Neopets post.

If only this happened on my other account..... Dammit.

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)

2010-04-10T12:34:00.006-04:00

So, I've done this test before, once in about Gr. 10 and I was an introvert then, however now I've busted out of my shell and I've become the outgoing (somewhat annoyingly I'm sure) person I am today. My result this time around was ENFP, so Extraversion, iNtuition, Feeling, and Perception.

ENFP = The Champion. Basically I was right all along, I AM awesome. J-Mo got the same result, though she wasn't as extroverted but the rest was fairly similar. Jasmine took it and got ENTJ, so Extraversion, iNtuition, Thinking, and Judgment.

If you'd like to take the test you can do so here for free. I'd be interested in hearing what you are so post in the comments!

Hi, My Name Is Erin And I'm An Addict

2010-04-05T01:55:00.000-04:00

Sooo, to all you people sitting on the other side of your monitors wondering what terrible thing I could possibly be addicted to, I'm sorry to disappoint. I have the most hum-drum addiction ever. Also it's a little 13-year-old nerdy. Neopets. Yes, Neopets. For those of you unsure as to what it is here's the wiki article.

It seems that a while ago, say three months or so, my main account was hacked. Everything I had worked to save up there for the past seven (almost eight... yes, I know) years was taken from me. It was a sad day in my life for sure.

And so, I decided to go forth and start another account, from scratch, to bury the terrible feeling of loss. So for those of you who already neopet-it-up, here are my other accounts. Add me!

Always_A_Mess

Vixon8642

Elvenwhispers

P.S. Damn you karebare912, I hope you choke on a dust bunny.

PostSecret Collections

2010-04-05T01:16:00.000-04:00

The email message that went with this postcard was as follows:

Dear Stranger,
You saw me crying at the bottom of the mountain, alone, on my cell phone. Thank you for the hug it made me laugh and everything didn't feel so bad.

Not to get all sentimental, but this makes me want to run up to a stranger and hug them.

It Might As Well Be A Sport

2010-03-28T21:59:00.002-04:00

J-Mo: Wow! You're room's still so clean!
Erin: Yeah, I know eh? I deserve a gold star or something.
J-Mo: More like an Olympic Medal. Cleaning can be so exhausting sometimes, it might as well be a sport.

Thanks to Jasmine I am now (at least at the moment) closer to a tidy life.

Love Stinks!

2010-03-22T04:14:00.005-04:00

Here's some more quotes about love from the top 100 quotes from Bash.org that Omar sent me.

#414593 +(18019)- [X]

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.


#405221 +(13955)- [X]
T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
T-Wolf> ya, why man?
RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her name alisson?
T-Wolf> you mother fucker

#602698 +(13696)- [X]
death09> my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
ktp753> ouch.
death09> yeah. i sent them to her dad

 
#83627 +(9265)- [X]
 I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

 
#908184 +(9118)- [X]
 I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.

#126218 +(9066)- [X]
WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs> i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
XeNoX> Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch.

#365072 +(8277)- [X]
xxxGirlygirlxxx> Thank you for listening to me.
xxxGirlygirlxxx> You know your a really good listener.
xxxGirlygirlxxx> Sweety please say something.
Sandaedar> Ok I'm back.

 
#369 +(8085)- [X]
 Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.  well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P


To read more, visit Bash.org. 

Smacked With A Shillelagh!

2010-03-17T05:20:00.000-04:00

Il Foro Della Merda (my house) was once again host to another amazing party. This was in honour of the internationally adapted drinking holiday, St. Patty's Day. Of course celebrating it in Ireland and Canada are much different, mostly as we Canadians just drink a lot and apparently the Irish are somewhat trying to reclaim it as a religious holiday and generally keep things fairly low key(ish). You can read all about it on the wikipedia page here. Anyway, here's a few photo's from the night.

Jeff didn't wear any green so in order to keep the theme going I had to wrap his head in some leftover streamer.

J-Mo, Erin (Me) and Jas sharing a roomie love moment.

Jer, Linds, Francis, Curly Jenn and Chris. Love the hat, Francis.

Erin Go Braugh! (Ireland Forever!)

2010-03-17T04:52:00.002-04:00

I have five names. The first of which is of course, Erin. This name was inspired by my mother's love for Ireland, pots of gold and especially leprechauns. Mom used to go to Sunday school as a kid and the teacher told her the story of how St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Mom being terrified of snakes of course hailed this man and his homeland, which I suppose her young mind assumed was snake free. But of course when she grew older she loved St. Patrick for the reason that most adults wait for St. Patrick's Day. The green booze. She would do a pub crawl all over Ottawa and try and convince people to help her look for leprechauns. Some people would try and help, and apparently she managed to convince a few people that they did, in fact, see the mystical singing and dancing leprechauns. However, it seems that she has decided that it is time she passed the torch onto me. I will do my best to make you proud, Mom.

Near a misty stream in Ireland in the hollow of a tree
Live mystical, magical leprechauns who are clever as can be.
With pointed ears, turned up toes and little coats of green,
The leprechauns make their shoes, trying hard to ne'er be seen.
Only those who really believe have seen these little elves.
If you believe and look with your heart, you can see them for yourselves.
- Author Unknown

Potatoes Vs. Roses

2010-03-08T04:56:00.001-05:00

Omar sent a link to me of a bunch of semi-nerdy funny quotes, here's one of my favorites.

IronChef Foicite: well, there's a lot of reasons
IronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks
IronChef Foicite: and that's if you leave them in water
IronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be pretty
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying
IronChef Foicite: "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance"
IronChef Foicite: but a potato!
IronChef Foicite: potatos last for fucking ever, man
IronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow shit even if you just leave them in the sack
IronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbol
IronChef Foicite: but there's more!
IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it!
IronChef Foicite: and that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you"
IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"

To read more, visit Bash.org.

I Has A Sad

2010-03-02T13:03:00.003-05:00

Found at I Can Has Cheezburger.

Real Bets Are Made With Beer

2010-03-01T16:39:00.001-05:00

Today while checking my facebook account I came across an interesting news article. It's short so I'm just gonna post it here:

Obama owes case of beer to Canadian PM

U.S. President Barack Obama owes a case of beer to Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper. The point is that Obama bet a case of beer with the Canadian leader on the outcome of Feb. 28 U.S.-Canada gold medal game.
The President had a case of Yuengling riding on the game. Harper wagered 24 bottles of Molson. The beer battle pitted Canada’s oldest brewery against the oldest beer maker in U.S.
As NEWS.am reported previously, Canada beat U.S. 3-2 on Sidney Crosby's overtime goal.
L.A.

Taken from NEWS.am

I bet that beer tastes like sweet, sweet victory.

Pets Have To Fulfill Their Civic Duty Too

2010-02-28T12:34:00.001-05:00

For those of you who haven't heard this news story yet, or those of you who might not have seen the video, I'm posting this story about a cat named Sal who was called for jury duty. Sal's owners filed for his disqualification of service but it was denied by the jury commissioner. The court date is set for March 23rd and I'm sure I'm not the only one who wants to see how this pans out. Check out the article and video through the link below.

East Boston cat called to jury duty

No, I Am Not A Robot

2010-02-27T19:17:00.001-05:00

Hello, my name is (insert real or fake name here) and I'm calling from (insert real or instructed employer here), a (market research group/public interest poll group/service improvement group). We are currently conducting a survey on (insert issue here) and we'd like your feedback on some issues. This is not a sales call, and all of your responses will be kept confidential. Could I speak to someone in your household who is over the age of 18?

As a few of you may already be aware, I work at a call centre. It's not fun, in fact, it can factually be summed up by the picture above. Everyone who works there, despite how long they've been working there has a phrase they repeat to themselves and anyone who will listen: I'm only here until I find something better. I'll admit, even I'm guilty of overusing this verbal mantra. However, the bills don't pay themselves and so I've decided that to clean up this messy part of my life a little (besides of course applying for other jobs) I'd post a few of the interesting stories here so that maybe my new hell could bring a little warmth to your life.

The first day I started someone thought that I was a robot. People have threatened to call the police on me, yelled at me, just plain screamed a long high-pitched scream, asked me how old I am and what I was wearing and told me that I was a terrible person.

Most people just say to call back or that they're not interested. However, what people don't know is that we WILL call you back, maybe not for this survey but for another. So if you don't plan on ever doing a survey then to avoid being one of the people who do scream and swear at me please just ask to be taken off the list, as we have to do so. Despite this not quite being a jellyfish bad day, work still manages to suck everyday.

Time For Some Off-Roading!

2010-02-19T15:19:00.000-05:00

Something tells me he's not gonna make it without a few bruises.

Found This At Fail Blog.org

No Time To Buy A Stamp

2010-02-17T02:05:00.000-05:00

I found this, while once again, perusing the interwebs looking to pass some time and I came across this interesting social experiment. A guy in Philadelphia wanted to see if he could send a letter with no postage on it to his girlfriend in New York. Instead of buying a stamp worth 39¢ he simply taped a few coins to the envelope that added up to 39¢, with a 5¢ tip for their troubles. Anyway, he documented the whole thing with photos and put it up on his own little corner of the web. His girlfriend in New York actually got the letter! Also, the 'tip' was missing. To see the whole saga and photos click on the link below.

Mail Experiment

They Should Just Call It The Furries

2010-02-12T21:17:00.001-05:00

Chris told me about this a while ago, and then while surfing the interweb wave I found this at Probably Bad News.com. I actually love that site, it's worth a peek if you've got some minutes between classes to spare.

They Haven't Found One Yet

2010-02-03T14:20:00.001-05:00

I found this on It Made My Day.

Winter's Shroud

2010-01-29T09:07:00.000-05:00

In light of the -35 degree weather outside here's a poem to try and help you remember that even though it's freezing out it's still pretty. This is a poem written by my grandmother over fifty years ago, on June 3rd 1958. She wrote this after walking my mom and Uncle Randy across a bridge in Young's Point on a beautiful winter morning.

Winter's Shroud

The rarity of your crystal
Is beauty beyond compare,
For a frosty winter's morn
Knows somehow what to wear.

The panes are truly painted
By hands no human 'dorn
The heavy lies at the bottom
The rest from it is born.

Outside the twigs and branches
Are coated in silvery white
As though each one's been dipped
In icing during the night.

There's not a seed uncovered
For birds to feed upon
But still some lonesome chickadee
Sings his morning song.

Just how much of heaven
Is captured from a cloud
And then put on in the morning
To be a winter's shroud.

- Joan Marie (Armstrong then) Noone

I'm Pretty Sure He's Not, But Just In Case....

2010-01-28T12:12:00.001-05:00

I should check this out just to be sure....

I found this while looking for the "how to tell if your eggs are still good" tip a few posts back.

Thanks For Nothing Firefox.

2010-01-27T10:17:00.001-05:00

This is the error message that I got while using Firefox today. I'm really glad they put the effort into looking at what the problem was.

Don't forget to feed the fish.

Four Years Going Strong

2010-01-25T21:09:00.003-05:00

I recently made an ad for The Charlatan, the campus newspaper at Carleton. The issue it's in is the current one from last Thursday. I believe it's under a shawarma article.

Here's to four wondrous years!

May You Never Have A Jellyfish Bad Day

2010-01-25T20:52:00.003-05:00

Chris read this out to Jenn and I the other day and I had to get her to email it to me so I'd have a copy. Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.5 on FM dial in Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won. Read his letter below.

Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.

This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea and it heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.

This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say, I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my ass was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.

Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.' Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day? May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!

Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

As Will would say, "Thank God for small mercies".

They Have It Coming....

2010-01-24T09:31:00.000-05:00

This isn't demotivational, this is just called taking out the trash.

Found at Very Demotivational.com

Some Old Wisdom

2010-01-22T12:34:00.001-05:00

I found this while looking for a picture of that Charmin bear from the last post, these are from a magazine from 'back in the day' called Calling All Girls, a subsidiary of Parents Magazine.

Of course most of these are tips are generally useless in today's world, we now have plastic hangars, most gameboards come coated in a protective covering (or are online), no one writes anymore - we type, and who uses snail mail when we have email? Still it's interesting to take a peek into the small things that generations before us did to make their lives a bit easier.

Here are four tips that could actually help you in today's world:

1) Before storing your veggies wash them and cut off the leafy bits (like on carrots- remember to leave a bit on the bottom). This minimizes the germs and bacteria that could cause them to spoil quickly and keeps them crispier.

2) Putting a few tennis balls in your dryer will help fluff up your laundry. It's a great tip for comforters and pillows. (I got this from my mom.)

3) Keep a dryer sheet in your drawers and closet, it keeps your shoes smelling fresh. I put one on top of Toddie's litter box too.

4) If you are unsure if your eggs are still good fill up a glass of water and put the egg inside. If it sinks it's good, if it floats toss it!

Not My Usual Blog Content....

2010-01-22T02:31:00.000-05:00

Fight! Fight! Fight!

So I'm pretty picky about my toilet paper. Some might say to a state of neurosis. I like to think I'm a bit of a connoisseur. Recently I have discovered the best toilet paper by far. Cottonelle. Despite my love for kittens over puppies Royale leaves far too many bits on my underside. (You're welcome for that visual.) Same story with Charmin despite their ads saying they don't with the little bear with bits of toilet paper stuck to his bum.

Tandem Story

2010-01-14T07:53:00.006-05:00

Still can't find my camera cord. But when checking my email this morning I found an email from my aunt that I assume she took from a forward. I really liked the story so I'm posting it here.

A professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:

Rebecca (PINK)
Bill (BLUE).

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Bill)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Bill)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam , felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Bill)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. " Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

A$$h@le.

(Bill)

B*tch!

(Rebecca)

F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

(Bill)

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.

I Probably Wouldn't Have Used That Phrasing....

2010-01-08T00:34:00.001-05:00

I love bad Engrish. It's probably one of my favorite "FAIL" categories, it ties with parenting fails.

To find more hilarious Engrish mishaps take a look here: http://www.oddee.com/

New Years Eve Photo Bomb

2010-01-06T00:34:00.001-05:00

I was at a New Years Eve party at The Labyrinth (Will, Jeff and Bryant's house) and this was taken. Francesca, Elena and I were getting our photo taken by Taylor and Hashem decided now was the time to declare his beer-pong prowess. He geared up for it too.

Pretty Good Photobomb.

You can find more photobomb's at This Is Photobomb.

Found Around The Intertubes

2010-01-05T00:34:00.001-05:00

Found these on It Made My Day.

Crashing At Die Höhle

2010-01-04T09:08:00.000-05:00

So the reason I haven't been posting for quite some time is that I've been staying with Jerrica (at Die Höhle which is German for The Cave) until her roommates, Chris and Lindsay, come back as my house would be freezing and lonely (this was confirmed when Jer and I went to my place briefly to drop off and pick up some things). Anyway, I wanted to make the next post all about the Christmas break but I couldn't find my camera cord in the mess that is my room. So, I've finally made peace with that not being the next post and decided to continue writing. I would like to say the holiday post will come soon, but nothing is soon on Hivale time.

I've been staying in the bachelor pad Jer set up for Toddie-Cat while I was away and when I first came back he greeted me with forceful snuggles and lots of drool. I couldn't have been happier.
Since I've been here we brave the cold only to get food or in Jer's case go to work. (Yes, I'm applying for jobs Mom.) Jer and I went out to this fairly cheap Chinese restaurant and when we got our bill it of course came with fortune cookies.
Mine read: Good health will be yours for a long time.
Jer got: You have a slow and unhurried natural rhythm. (What does that even mean?)

Anyway, my New Years resolution is to not be so late all the time (farewell Hivale time), so maybe that holiday post will be soon.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2009-12-24T21:03:00.000-05:00

I just saw on the news that NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command) is tracking the whereabouts of Santa again this year via satellite. They even had a clip of a soldier discussing it. Talk about great PR! But remember, this time of year though great for most of us is very hard on our soldiers and their families. So please, take a bit of time and let them know you care by sending a little message out to them to let them know their efforts are appreciated.

Write our troops here.

I'll be posting more holiday content once I get home, but for now I'm in a forest in Bancroft. Now I hope Santa brings everyone what they wanted this year and that you all have a safe and happy holiday!

For Lifes Toughest Questions

2009-12-24T12:34:00.003-05:00

I found this on It Made My Day.

Funbags.... Enough Said?

2009-12-19T00:34:00.000-05:00

I found this on F-Listed. If you're tired of the old Polo and Lacoste logo's on your man-breast you can now get a set of tits to put right on your own. Or maybe you have a D-bag on your Christmas shopping list? Let him know you care about his alternative lifestyle with one of these shirts.

"For frat boys whose douchebaggery doesn’t seem to scream loud enough from their short shorts, pastel shirts, Budweiser mainlining and fondling of co-eds, here comes the new uniform of choice for the Greek community."

Who Needs Ponies, When You Can Have Boobies?

Some More Web Clippings

2009-12-17T03:21:00.000-05:00

Found on It Made My Day, FailBlog and Texts From Last Night.

That'll Make 'Em Feel Better

2009-12-14T07:16:00.003-05:00

I know that if I was feeling down on public transit nothing would make me feel better than to be singled out by forbidding signs.

I found this at Oddly Specific.

Holiday Baking Fail

2009-12-11T00:58:00.000-05:00

Don't let your holiday baking turn out like this. Remember to verify that it is indeed a baking pan and not a plastic cutting board.

Found this at Fail Blog.

Why Not?

2009-12-09T00:34:00.000-05:00

When I was going to troubleshoot some problems with my computer I started to type the question I had into Google. Their auto-complete function came up with these suggestions:

That's an excellent question, Google. Why IS there a dead Pakistani on my couch? And why can't I own a Canadian? Because everyone would want one and there just isn't enough to go around.

There's actually a website that collects these funny auto-completes called Auto-Complete Me.

Dog Malfunction

2009-12-03T12:34:00.000-05:00

This is the main reason why I hate those stupid, annoying, ratty, little yappy pieces of crap some girls carry around in their purses and call dogs. If I saw something like this I would be inclined to euthanize it. It would probably be for the best.
However when I watched this video I couldn't help but laugh. I'm not entirely sure why either.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Christmas Baking

2009-12-01T12:34:00.002-05:00

If you look into mostly any shop window here in the Western World you will see that Christmas is quickly approaching. Every year Granny and I make a gingerbread house, and every year the rate of success varies. This is what we did last year.

Step 1) Make dough, let cool in fridge over night.
Step 2) Take dough out of fridge and section off a piece to use.
Step 3) Dust "work space", rolling pin and cutting instruments with flour so they won't stick to the dough.

Step 4) Cut out your shapes (we use a stencil for our house and cookie cutters for our accents)
Step 5) Lay your shapes on a tray, make the most of the space on your cookie sheet.

Step 6) Bake 'em!

Step 7) While baking lay out your decorating materials.
***Note the glass of wine, this is what Granny calls cooking with wine. But I'm pretty sure she was drinking something else.

Step 8) Take pieces out of the oven and assemble. This year we tried 'gluing' it together with melted white chocolate instead of white icing. Though it did hold much better the colour was a little off-white on the yellow side and the liquid chocolate was much harder to control.

Step 9) Decorate!
Here we see Granny affixing a doorknob to the front door so the gingerbread people can get in.

This is usually how Grampa Rex contributes to the baking. He's actually a good cook but when both Granny and Grampa Rex are in the kitchen at the same time it can get a little explosive.

Here I can be seen putting in some of the finishing touches.

Step 10) Eat!
Usually we fill the inside with some cookies and candy for when we smash it open on New Years.

I hope maybe some of you are inspired to start your own yearly tradition on Christmas if you don't already have one. I know Granny and I definitely bonded over making these houses through the years. I associate anything that has to do with cooking or baking with her and I think it is definitely a tradition I would keep up with my kids and grand-kids.

For some holiday baking recipes and ideas check out Joy Of Baking. They also have interesting history lessons on a lot of the food there so if you're not much of a baker you still might want to check it out.

Canadian, Please

2009-11-30T12:34:00.008-05:00

I know you want to be Canadian.

Frig I love Canada.

Primary Concern

2009-11-28T12:34:00.000-05:00

I call this piece "Primary Concern". And I would like to add that, that is most possibly the third name it has gone by. I'm not sure if this form of painting has been used before, but I suppose it probably has. I painted this piece with acrylic on plain white paper in 2005. I started off with a style of feralism in mind when I decided that to add emphasis I would use only the primary colours, occasionally secondary ones as small accents. I then made it a little neater and used a much small brush type than is typically used. I still need to fine-tune this style but let me know what you think, constructive criticism is encouraged.

According To History....

2009-11-27T20:34:00.001-05:00

I was talking to Omar on Gmail chat today about his man-crush on Jason Statham and after I told him he was only in crappy movies this is how the conversation went:

Omar: What?!?!
(lists movies that suck)
Erin: You're a dude, your opinion doesn't count.
Omar: I'm a dude, according to history ONLY my opinion counts.

Hahaha I actually did laugh out loud at this. It made my day.

It Made Their Days

2009-11-26T18:27:00.001-05:00

I have a lot of these saved up, and as a result my folders on my computer are becoming a bit of a mess again. This of course means that I have to put them up here so that I can file them away and tidy up a small portion of my life. So here they are.

For those of you wondering it can be found, here: http://icanhascheezburger.com/.

Maybe it was just a really big kitchen?

I actually find this really disgusting.

But at the same time a part of me really wants to try it.

"I'm making a note here: Huge Success"

I'm gonna say probably Grumpy.

Marshmallows, Gumdrops, and Peppermint Canes

2009-11-26T00:34:00.008-05:00

This is by far my favorite poem ever. No matter what it always makes me feel better to read it, and especially to have it read to me. It was written by Eugene Field (1850-1895) who was famous for his children's poetry.

The Sugar Plum Tree

Have you ever heard of the Sugar-Plum Tree?
   'T is a marvel of great renown!
It blooms on the shore of the Lollipop sea
   In the garden of Shut-Eye Town;
The fruit that it bears is so wondrously sweet
   (As those who have tasted it say)
That good little children have only to eat
   Of that fruit to be happy next day.

When you 've got to the tree, you would have a hard time
   To capture the fruit which I sing;
The tree is so tall that no person could climb
   To the boughs where the sugar-plums swing!
But up in that tree sits a chocolate cat,
   And a gingerbread dog prowls below---
And this is the way you contrive to get at
   Those sugar-plums tempting you so:

You say but the word to that gingerbread dog
   And he barks with such terrible zest
That the chocolate cat is at once all agog,
   As her swelling proportions attest.
And the chocolate cat goes cavorting around
   From this leafy limb unto that,
And the sugar-plums tumble, of course, to the ground---
   Hurrah for that chocolate cat!

There are marshmallows, gumdrops, and peppermint canes,
   With stripings of scarlet or gold,
And you carry away of the treasure that rains
   As much as your apron can hold!
So come, little child, cuddle closer to me
   In your dainty white nightcap and gown,
And I 'll rock you away to that Sugar-Plum Tree
   In the garden of Shut-Eye Town.

Field also wrote Wynken, Blynken, and Nod and Little Boy Blue. I also love the poem Wynken, Blynken, and Nod as it has the same soothing rhythm to put you into a peaceful sleep. Little Boy Blue is a much different poem as it is about the death of his son. The way the poem touches on the topic of the death of a child is what I imagine a child would think about it. This latter poem is really rather heart wrenching.

Wynken, Blynken, and Nod

Wynken, Blynken, and Nod one night
   Sailed off in a wooden shoe---
Sailed on a river of crystal light,
   Into a sea of dew.
"Where are you going, and what do you wish?"
   The old moon asked the three.
"We have come to fish for the herring fish
   That live in this beautiful sea;
   Nets of silver and gold have we!"
                     Said Wynken,
                     Blynken,
                     And Nod.

The old moon laughed and sang a song,
   As they rocked in the wooden shoe,
And the wind that sped them all night long
   Ruffled the waves of dew.
The little stars were the herring fish
   That lived in that beautiful sea---
"Now cast your nets wherever you wish---
   Never afeard are we";
   So cried the stars to the fishermen three:
                     Wynken,
                     Blynken,
                     And Nod.

All night long their nets they threw
   To the stars in the twinkling foam---
Then down from the skies came the wooden shoe,
   Bringing the fishermen home;
'T was all so pretty a sail it seemed
   As if it could not be,
And some folks thought 't was a dream they 'd dreamed
   Of sailing that beautiful sea---
   But I shall name you the fishermen three:
                     Wynken,
                     Blynken,
                     And Nod.

Wynken and Blynken are two little eyes,
   And Nod is a little head,
And the wooden shoe that sailed the skies
   Is a wee one's trundle-bed.
So shut your eyes while mother sings
   Of wonderful sights that be,
And you shall see the beautiful things
   As you rock in the misty sea,
   Where the old shoe rocked the fishermen three:
                     Wynken,
                     Blynken,
                     And Nod.

Little Boy Blue

The little toy dog is covered with dust,
   But sturdy and stanch he stands;
And the little toy soldier is red with rust,
   And his musket moulds in his hands.
Time was when the little toy dog was new,
   And the soldier was passing fair;
And that was the time when our Little Boy Blue
   Kissed them and put them there.

"Now, don't you go till I come," he said,
   "And don't you make any noise!"
So, toddling off to his trundle-bed,
   He dreamt of the pretty toys;
And, as he was dreaming, an angel song
   Awakened our Little Boy Blue---
Oh! the years are many, the years are long,
   But the little toy friends are true!

Ay, faithful to Little Boy Blue they stand,
   Each in the same old place---
Awaiting the touch of a little hand,
   The smile of a little face;
And they wonder, as waiting the long years through
   In the dust of that little chair,
What has become of our Little Boy Blue,
   Since he kissed them and put them there.

But She Is

2009-11-25T12:34:00.002-05:00

I can only hope my nieces and nephews say the same.

Found this at It Made My Day.

Coughing Up Piglets

2009-11-25T03:18:00.000-05:00

So on Monday November 23rd I woke up with what Chris has dubbed "The Hiney". That's right folks, the author of Always A Mess is down with the H1N1 flu virus.

It all started when my housemate Lesley got it, probably at Carleton as that place is crawling with disease during this pandemic, when it was passed along to Ali, Jess' boyfriend. I think Jess has it now too, and possibly Jasmine. This means the entire second floor is disease ridden. I think I heard some coughing coming from the Victims Cabin (the basement where J-Mo lives) which would mean the basement is also infected. And, alas, poor Colin woke up with a cough and general sickness this morning. This means all of Il Foro Della Merda should be quarantined off from the general public. I've already told a few friends to stay away for their own good.

Any moment now I expect people dressed in HazMat or NBC suits to come bursting the door down and load us all into black, windowless vans.

I guess it's better not to see anyone than to infect everyone you care about.

Still, it gets lonely from behind the quarantine lines.

Mind Your Manners

2009-11-20T12:34:00.001-05:00

It's nice to know manners still mean something. I found this on It Made My Day.

Niche Market, Zombie Strippers

2009-11-18T17:44:00.001-05:00

They'll Dance For A Fee, But Devour You For Free.

That has to be one of the funniest tag-lines ever. Jer (in photo), Lindsay and I were looking for a scary movie as Chris was out for class (Chris is a little imaginative and therefore scary movies scare her insane amounts). When looking in the zombie section of the little movie rental place not far from our houses we saw this. Jenna Jameson really is trying to further her career path. Maybe for when she gets old and is no longer wanted for porn she'll go into some niche market like this one.

In the end we bypassed this gem for "Severed", a terrible Canadian-made movie that was at first laughable, but then just sad. It's true the older, slower-moving zombies are lame and just not funny. Unless of course you dress up like them and walk down the street with a bunch of people. Then it's totally awesome.

Something More Important

2009-11-18T12:34:00.001-05:00

This gives me hope for future generations. I found this on It Made My Day.

Cooking Truly Is An Art

2009-11-17T12:34:00.004-05:00

I found this on It Made My Day.

Always Stay

2009-11-17T00:35:00.002-05:00

When I first saw this on PostSecret I started to cry, and I'm not really a big crier. I didn't save it then because it made me sad, but ever since I've thought about it and can't get it out of my head. I somewhat recently had to put Hobo-Cat down with Grant as he was sick and allergic to the treatment. Essentially he was starving to death but was fit mentally and that made it really hard. I've had dreams about Hobo-Cat ever since and wonder if what we did was right. And though this might sound crazy for a while after when Toddie and I moved into the new house I thought I kept seeing him out of the corner of my eye. I like to think he was looking out for me during the move. He would do that. He was such a gentleman.

Love you, Hobo-Cat.

Most. Epic. Kegger. Ever.

2009-11-16T22:22:00.001-05:00

So the Support The Troops Fundraising Kegger went swimmingly, like the fat kid in the pool with the permanent snot string that could only swim for short periods of time. But you know that kid gave it his all, pumping his arms erratically against the force of the water-wings his over-protective mom shoved his arms into by first greasing him up with copious amounts of sunscreen.

Facts:

We raised over $1700 for Soldier On
MP's are probably going to round it off to $2000 to support the cause
Kegs were tapped at 9:30pm
People threw beer bottles at my neighbours house
One cop cruiser showed up at 11:15pm
There were at least 30 people outside all the time
That one cruiser called three more at 11:20pm
Eight cops were pretty friendly because it was a charity event that went towards our troops at 11:30pm
My costume was pretty ballin'
At least five people peed on my neighbours house all night
Military drank for free all night
150 people bought tickets before the event
95 people paid at the door during the event
We ran out of beer (5 kegs) when the cops kicked everyone out at 12:00am - 12:30am
Someone shit on my neighbours lawn
If you were there this party probably kicked your ass
The neighbours were not happy campers in the morning and tried to bust down our door at about 10:30am
I woke up to a lake in my kitchen and as I looked around all I could say was, "Oh F*ck".

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm amazing. And thanks housemates for being so cool with it.

So yeah the party was shorter than planned but everyone had a great time (except for the people I kicked out for being hippies). And just like the kid in the pool someone peed where they shouldn't have....

J-Mo, The Science Queen

2009-11-11T23:05:00.001-05:00

Observe, J-Mo, the pirate princess with a flower wand.

J-Mo is taking a biology course at Carleton and similarly lives in Il Foro Della Merda like I do. She, however, lives in the victims cabin (the basement with the poo drain, the creepy tool shop and laundry stuff that flooded earlier this year). Before Halloween we went shopping at a dollar store on Bank St.

She discovered that the nose is not an organ. Way to go J-Mo!

Also that house cats are not "Wild Life" worthy. I love you dollar store.